Can you love again?
Do you still believe in marriage?
I was having lunch with an amazing young woman who is also going through a divorce. She asked me if I still believe in marriage...
Of course I do!
We started talking about what makes a marriage fall apart. Does the couple get lazy after I do? Or is it the stress of every day life? Or maybe the stress of the baby?
Probably a little bit of everything. Mostly, I think that couples get divorced because the relationship wasn't right to begin with.
I had some reservations about my former spouse before we got married, but I didn't listen to my instinct. I thought it was just cold feet. We were crazy in love and that was all I cared about.
When we talked about values, it seemed like we were on the same page... or at least close enough. As time went by, the values I thought we shared spread further and further apart. If your values are that far skewed, you end up working towards different goals...And if you are going different place emotionally, eventually the physical will follow.
Those life events...the stressors... the mortgage... the baby... the jobs... aren't the root of the problem, they just highlight your differences in your fundamental values.
A great marriage requires two whole people... People that are strong enough to stand on their own, but choose to stay together because of a common bond. There is never a 'perfect' time. If you are in a great marriage, you feel close to your partner during happy times and difficult times.
Perhaps, I'm just a hopeless romantic. Watching princess movies every day (with my daughter) may have some influence on that!
I still believe in love and marriage. I believe there is someone out there for each of us.
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